I
had my best GPA the semester of my assault. I also was at an unhealthily low weight.
I threw myself into academics and athletics rather than dealing with the
emotional pain I was going through. Sometimes I hate that I had positive
outcomes: my advisor and my coach often say "Remember last spring? Why
can't you perform like that?"
Because nobody's raping me anymore, that's why.
It
has vastly impacted my sex life and how I view orgasms. I have taken to
feminist sex and taking control of my own pleasure rather than letting someone
else decide it (even though it's someone else giving me pleasure).
Saying
no is terrifying. It's not your fault that you couldn't muster the courage.
It's never your fault.
[Note
from the editor: This is one of the many anonymous anecdotes and survey
responses collected for the dx/dt project that were not used in the film. They
are being posted here as contributions to the discussion of sexual violence,
relationship abuse, and stalking in the MIT community. Thank you to all of the
authors of these posts for your willingness to speak out.]